YouTube Transcriptions: Arkady Advice

Transcripts of dating advice by a man from practicalhappiness.com, for any hard-of-hearing folk who are interested in such advice on YouTube.

'Long-distance relationship - worth it?':

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jfm730Dp0BU

“Is it worth being in a long-distance relationship?  Well, obviously every case and every situation is unique and different, and there is no single answer that would apply to every single relationship.  However, there are several important questions that you should ask yourself that will really help you determine whether your long-distance relationship is worth having and worth continuing putting in the effort into.

The first question you should ask yourself is whether or not you are in that relationship for the right reasons.  Are you in that long-distance relationship because you feel that that other person is so special to you and it’s such a rare opportunity and you have these strong feelings that you haven’t had in a while for anybody (or you’ve never had for anybody)?  Or are you in that relationship because you’re lonely and you have been lonely for a while and you feel that you don’t have any other options than having that relationship?  With a person by email, or by phone; somebody you hardly ever see – having that is better than nothing.  If the latter is the case, it’s probably the wrong reason to be in a long-distance relationship, because you’re feeding a certain hope that’s probably bound to fail for you and for that other person, and your efforts are probably better spent looking for a relationship where you can see each other more often or as often as you can.

The second question you should ask yourself is whether or not there is a real probability that you will be able to see each other more often in the foreseeable future.  If both of you have plans to make things work out and to move closer together and to be able to see each other more often, that’s great and that’s something wonderful to look forward to.  However, if both of you don’t have any such plans; you’re not willing to change your life and nothing is likely to change about the lives of both of you, then there’s probably no point to continue developing feelings for each other because the le - the longer it will last, the more painful the break-up or the end of that communication will be.

And the last factor you should consider is how difficult it is, time-wise and financially, for you to make an effort to see each other.  For some people, it’s not a big deal.  I know a number of people who live in the East Coast and they come to see their partner on the West Coast, and they do it every weekend and it’s not a big deal.  Buying a flight ticket is not that big of a deal for them; they’re used to travelling and flying all the time for work, so it’s not an obstacle.  For other people, driving an hour could be an obstacle.  It could be too expensive and/or it could be too time-consuming, and it’s really hard for them to make it.  So, the financial consideration is also something you should keep in mind.

So, if you are in a situation where you have a long –distance relationship and you’re considering whether it’s worth making an effort and it’s worth continuing to stay in touch with that other person, ask yourself these three basic questions and it will really help you determine whether you should continue, especially if you are being honest with yourself and with the other person.  Thank you.”

YouTube Transcriptions: Arkady Advice

Transcripts of dating advice by a man from practicalhappiness.com, for any hard-of-hearing folk who are interested in such advice on YouTube.

'Avoiding "Tell me about yourself"':

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GREmYqd2dT4&feature=relmfu

“‘Tell me about yourself?’  This is a very common question when people meet for the first time or on a first date, and the same answer always follows: ‘Well, what would you like to know?’

You cannot prevent other people from asking this question, but you can certainly make sure that you don’t ask others ‘Tell me about yourself?’ when you go out with them.  This question adds nothing good to your conversation – again, because the other person will necessarily tell you, ‘Well, what would you like to know?’

Instead, why not ask something more interesting and something more specific?  Such as, ‘Hey, how do you like your school programme?’ or ‘How do you like living in that neighbourhood?’ or ‘How did you like this new movie that just came out that you told me you recently watched?’  This will be much better than asking this generic, cliché, and lazy question: ‘Tell me about yourself?’

Thank you.”

YouTube Transcriptions: Arkady Advice

Transcripts of dating advice by a man from practicalhappiness.com, for any hard-of-hearing folk who are interested in such advice on YouTube.

'For women: Your looks VS. personality':

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38sdJdxfQVs

"It is often suggested that guys care more about looks when it comes to meeting a woman for the first time, or even seeing a woman for the first time, while women care more about personality when it comes to their initial interactions with the opposite sex.  While this might be true to a certain extent – and of course, men by nature are more visually stimulated than women – there is an important caveat (?) to this that you as a woman should know when it comes to dating and long-term relationships.  And even if what I say is gonna sounds obvious, I think it’s still worthwhile for you to hear.

A woman’s attractiveness, and a woman’s looks, might attract a guy initially and keep his interest for a short while, but that’s not what’s gonna make the guy stick around and wanna be in a longer-term relationship with you.  Now, why is that?  Well, I am sure that you’re not gonna be surprised to hear that there are a lot of attractive women out there.  Go to any club, any bar, any restaurant, any yoga class, or any other class, and you will see plenty of beautiful girls.  Some of them are extremely attractive.  So, no matter how beautiful you are, there is always gonna be someone else out there who is just as attractive or more attractive than you are.

Now, the good news is that far fewer women out there who are attractive have the inside to match their outside.  Very few of them have the personality that’s-that’s just as beautiful as their looks.  Now, if all you have is your looks, and your personality’s average, so to speak, or below, why would the guy wanna stick around?  Why wouldn’t he be looking for someone funnier?  Someone more interesting; somebody who enjoys - who he enjoys spending time with more; somebody who he enjoys talking to; having dinners and doing others things…more.  The same applies to you – you want the company that’s interesting; that’s stimulating to you; somebody who’s entertaining, who is also smart and challenging.  So, your personality is what’s gonna make the guy stick around – make no mistake about it.  There’s nothing you can do about your looks to make a guy wanna be around you for months or for years or even to marry you, but it’s your exceptional personality that’s gonna make the guy realise, “Oh, wow…she’s not like most others that I have met or I have dated before – she’s someone very unique; she’s someone very special; she’s someone that - unlike anyone I have ever met…  She’s a great listener; she gets my jokes; she dishes out…jokes of her own; she can relate to what I’m talking about; she’s very knowledgeable; she seems to be accomplished, but at the same time she’s mo-modest; she has a good…style; she’s well-spoken, and at the same time she’s not very loud; er, she treats me well; she seems to like me; she seems to be open and outgoing when the time is right; erm, she seems to have other qualities about her – other than her looks – that make her stand out from the rest of the attractive women”.  And that’s what would make the guy go, “Oh, wow, she is…not someone I’m gonna meet again very soon, so I better take this seriously; I better get to know her and I better see if she might be my life-time partner”.  Thank you."

YouTube Transcriptions: Arkady Advice

Transcripts of dating advice by a man from practicalhappiness.com, for any hard-of-hearing folk who are interested in such advice on YouTube.

'Money and your relationship':

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=t3QnN-I3vF4

"One of the more common – if not the most common – reason for problems and stress in relationships is financial issues.  It’s the problems that couples deal with when it comes to not making enough money or spending too money or having too much debt…  And, while there might not be a way to quickly, to immediately solve your financial p-problems and make more money or completely eliminate your debt over night, there is one thing – there is one simple thing you can do in order to address those issues between the two of you far more effectively.  And that is: beginning to recognise the importance of money to you and to your relationship.  Too many people out there run around and like to announce to others that they don’t care about money; money means nothing to them – they only care about love, art, their dreams, and other things but not money.  If you don’t feel comfortable admitting to yourself and to others that money is important to you, then you will not be able to openly talk about the issues that you have with your partner…whether it’s your spending habits; whether it’s your saving habits; your investments; and the major purchases that you make.  If you - if you’re in denial about the importance and the value of finances in your life, you’re not gonna be able to address the issues that you have effectively.  But once you accept and once you start feeling comfortable talking about the fact that money and savings and investment plans and reducing debt, and perhaps getting a promotion – the moment you start admitting to yourself and to your partner that that’s important to you and to your relationship, and it affects your love and how you feel about each other (to some extent), you will be way ahead of being able to…get over the disagreements that you have when it comes to money, and find more common ground on how to deal with issues.  And when you work together on the financial challenges that you have, you’re far more likely to solve them.  Thank you."

YouTube Transcriptions: Arkady Advice

Transcripts of dating advice by a man from practicalhappiness.com, for any hard-of-hearing folk who are interested in such advice on YouTube.

'Know how to agree to disagree':

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qg4oYSNKQKk&feature=relmfu 

"One of the important and attractive elements of confidence for both men and women is knowing how to agree to disagree and move on with a conversation without getting stuck on the disagreement about something that you shouldn’t take personally, and allowing it to turn into a fight.  On the other hand, when you don’t know how to agree to disagree and you turn a disagreement into a fight, or you try to convince the other person every which way you can that you are right and he or she is wrong, it will make you come across as someone who is insecure, or even worse – someone who is psychotic and who has temper issues.  And men are guilty of that more often than women.  I’ve heard quite a few times before how a woman would go out on a first date with a guy; they would have a nice dinner and a nice conversation, and then at a certain point they will start talking about politics and they will find out that they disagree on a certain political issue.  But instead of letting it go, the guy will try to convince her every which way he can why he’s right and she’s wrong – turning that conversation into a fight and ruining everything for both of them.  There is no reason to get stuck and turn a disagreement on something that you shouldn’t take personally into a fight.  You should learn how to respect the other person’s perspective and the other person’s opinion, and move on with the conversation, unless that disagreement is so fundamental that you know that you’re not gonna be able get along with that person because of the disagreement.  Thank you."

YouTube Transcriptions: Arkady Advice

Transcripts of dating advice by a man from practicalhappiness.com, for any hard-of-hearing folk who are interested in such advice on YouTube.

'Two simple rules for effective banter and sarcasm':
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etF3GpvUvv8&feature=relmfu

"Sarcasm and banter can be one of the most fun and the most effective ways to spark up romantic interest and attraction between you and the person you’re going out with.  In fact, often when the woman says after going out with a guy that she wasn’t feeling it, and that there was no chemistry there between her and her date, it’s because she has a sharp mind; she likes sarcasm; she’s being sarcastic herself, and the guy was just too stiff; too formal; he was walking on egg shells, so to speak; being afraid to say the wrong thing; he wasn’t funny, and he didn’t know how to banter.  And he didn’t get her sarcasm either.  So, it’s really worth learning how to banter and how to be sarcastic because it’s a major part of learning for many people, and it’s also a lot of fun.

There are two simple rules you should keep in mind in order to make the most out of your sarcasm: First, don’t be sarcastic too early on.  If you just met someone and you’re practically total strangers to each other, it’s probably not a good idea to start throwing harsh, sarcastic, or cynical jokes one after the other.  You should probably show your serious and you’re interesting side first to the other person, and then you can start gradually being sarcastic and banter, and see how the other person responds to it.  Do they like it?  Do they get it?  Do they understand it?  And depending upon on their reaction, you can be more sarcastic, less sarcastic, and otherwise adjust your conversation so you get along.  This doesn’t mean that you have to be fake, or you have to cater to what your company necessarily wants to hear, but adjusting your level of sarcasm or your level of humour – with reason – is a good idea generally. 

And secondly, make sure that you don’t go too far with your sarcasm.  If every single thing you say…is sarcastic, you’re gonna make the wrong impression on the other person.  You’re either gonna come across as someone who is too cynical; too negative about the world around them, or you’re gonna appear as someone who is hiding their real self; their real face; their real identity behind this sarcastic mask, and that’s also the impression that you wanna avoid giving.  Most of what you say should probably be something other than sarcasm.  And your banter and sarcasm should be the icing on the cake, where the cake is all the smart and all the interesting things that you’re sharing with the other person.

Thank you."

Unrelated - Shorter Version

Suggestion: We make a video of us briefly discussing points which need to be addressed by everyone responsible.  I would be happy to put it together if enough participants join in (fightwithME@hotmail.co.uk).  Because some people don't own cameras they can record on, still images can also be sent in.  I wrote a script (which is just a guide and can be adjusted to participant's liking).  I will post the script below and include fictional names to give you an idea of who would say what.  This will be updated with participant's forum usernames in order to avoid confusion about who is saying what.  Recordings should be kept quite brief in order to fit in as many people as possible and keep the video interesting, but we could do individual videos/stories at a later date if this is something participants are interested in. 

Section one would address the misconception that ME sufferers just developed depression:
George: I was happy
Lily: I was happy
Buttons: I am happy
*Whoever else participates*

After this section, one person would say something like:
Mary: The only thing that depresses me is…

And participants would continue from here by listing one symptom that they find particularly depressing/upsetting/frustrating.  This is to address the misconception that ME is just about being a bit tired and forgetful.  Examples:

Pillow_Slayer: Mentioning amount of pain suffered

Sleepyowl: Stating the isolation ME has caused her
*Whoever else participates*

Participants would then talk about the confusion over what type of condition ME is.  Like this:
George: ME is currently defined by the World Health Organisation as a neurological illness
Sarah: But doctors in the UK follow NICE guidelines, which
Lily: Despite being updated in 2007 to inform doctors about diagnosing ME, don’t give a clear definition


*Video shows a quote from the NICE guidelines*

Harry: It changes subject without having agreed upon the type of condition ME is
Sam: And a number of studies report a continued confusion or disagreement by GPs about this
Tina: When sufferers aren't given the correct information, it can lead to them struggling to accept their condition as "real", which can result in feelings of guilt and even depression
Rachael: But doctors are not being provided with the growing number of studies that show ME is neurological
Frieda: Not only does this contribute to the continued belief that ME is psychological
John: Some doctors even refuse to acknowledge the illness and put the symptoms down to depression


The next section addresses the stigma sufferers face because of certain implications about ME being psychological.
Heather: Whilst the main "treatment" of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy may help some sufferers with the emotions ME can cause
Simon: The implication of this therapy is [that] - quote - "your problems are often created by you”
Rebecca: The statement that therapy can help sufferers "control" their symptoms by changing their "behaviour"
Hallie: And by challenging any thoughts which stop their health's improvement
Annie: Further suggests a belief that ME is of a psychological nature
Paul: And the only "control" we have over our symptoms is being able to rest when we need to
Lily: Which usually comes at the expense of losing any normality in our lives
Jill: But CBT is usually the only treatment offered to us – if any is offered at all
Sian: That is unless we can afford to pay for treatment in private clinics
Mindy: Which most of us can't do because we aren't able to work
James: And despite often being housebound or/and bedbound, too many ME sufferers don't get past the 13 week assessment stage of Employment and Support Allowance
Alex: This can leave a lot of sufferers in an even more vulnerable position

Rounding it up:
George: Over the years, different articles and guidelines have called for GPs to develop a better understanding of ME
Sian: And improved support for sufferers
Annie: But many of us still aren't experiencing this 

Paul: ME is thought to affect up to 0.5% of the population – a higher rate than Parkinson's Disease and Multiple Sclerosis
Frieda: So why aren't all sufferers getting the support they need?
Lily: A clear definition of the illness
Rebecca: Recognition from the medical community of the condition's neurological status
Hallie: More information provided for newly diagnosed sufferers 
Heather: Consideration of the diagnostic tests used in private practices, to show the neurological problems rather than to only rule out other illnesses
Buttons: And a consideration of the treatments offered in clinics such as Dr. Wright's