"If ‘Jaws’ and ‘Pirrhana 3D’ had a kid, i-it’d kinda be like this movie. Little bit.
‘Shark Night 3D’: If you have seen the trailer to this movie, or even seen the poster, or…heard the title, you know exactly what this movie’s about: it’s about sharks that eat people. Mainly a bunch of college students who went out to a cabin to have a good time at the weekend. I was watching this movie and I was like, “What happened to the day when people took their shark movies seriously?” You know, like in ‘Jaws’, when thirty year olds actually played thirty year olds, not college students. Now everything exists for the sake of getting eaten by a shark. I didn’t dislike ‘Shark Night 3D’ as much as I disliked ‘Pirrhana 3D’. They’re both implausible, impracticable movies that exist for the sake of, you know, watching people get shredded. It’s almost like ‘Shark Night 3D’ took itself a little more seriously for the sake of not relying on porn stars and, you know, floating d**ks that get eaten. I gotta give the movie that. And there are a couple of other variables. They didn’t just have to worry about sharks; there were other, you know, there are a couple of lunatics in the movie too. But for the most part, it-it’s sharks. That’s what we came to see; we didn’t come to see, like, weird hillbillies. It should be called ‘Shark Night and Hillbillies…in 3D’. Now, as for the 3D in the movie, there are actually two aspects of 3D: the scenes that are not underwater, in which the 3D looks like – you know, it looked pretty good; it looked like a 3D movie – but then the movie goes from 3D above the water to 3D below the water, and below the water the depth of field is so much more sharp that it makes your eyes just go crossed immediately and you’re like, “Argh, dude, my eyes need to adjust – what did you do?” Like, you know those 3D pictures from 1995? Imagine taking those and putting it like right up to your face. Your eyes go like that crossed. Granted, the 3D’s more pronounced and it looks cooler…if you can get past the pain in your eyes. But you know how it’s really scary when you don’t see the shark? You just see a person get sucked under the water and they die? Like in ‘Jaws’, it worked. In a movie like this where it just relies on gore, you might as well just show the shark just shred someone in half. But it doesn’t always do that. It does it a couple of times at the end of the movie, but for the most part you see the person get sucked under water and they’re struggling with something that’s not there. I would have rather have seen the shark. Maybe I’m a morbid b*****d, I dunno. So it’s almost like this movie was confused: one, it takes itself seriously in some parts, and it didn’t in other scenes. I mean, the title itself – ‘Shark Night 3D’ – you don’t take that movie seriously! So just go nuts with it. But just cut back on the porn stars and floating d***ks like ‘Pirrhana 3D’, and you’ll be fine. But as you’d expect, it’s a good time…if you’re drunk. “Yeah, now it’s a party! With shharkss.” There’s not really another kinda rating you can give this movie. Can you imagine if the movie’s like a good time, no alcohol required? That would blow your mind; it’d blow my mind! All I know is, there is this hillbilly dude in there – dude. Freaked me out more than the sharks did. I was like, “That’s the real problem right there; take care of that guy. Shoot a harpoon through his neck”. He was just… “Ergh”. So what’s your favourite water-based shark slash creature slash anything in the water that’s out to eat people kinda movie? Comment below; let me know! And as always – and this never changes – if you like what you’ve seen here and you wanna see more, click right here to see more!"
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