"Just a few short hours ago, one man set up a camera to review a movie. This is that footage.
‘Apollo 18’: And yeah, I’m not gonna keep that effect on the whole time. Some of you may think you want it, but it’s kinda like electing a president – at first you’re like, “Ah, yeah, it’s a good idea” and then, you know, three fourths in you’re like , “Yeah, tha - yeah, that actually sucks”. Trust me. So Apollo 18’s the latest in one of these “found footage” kinda movies, which these days they’re like a dime a dozen. Like, ten years ago they were just unique as Hell; now they’re everywhere. It is it’s own genre now. But as the Apollo missions have gone, we’ve sent up seventeen of ’em and supposedly never an 18th, but now they have the footage and they’re gonna show us. There was an 18th mission, and this is why we never went back. Which is funny ’cause this summer we already found out why we went back – Decepticons; I got the footage right here! Yeah, check that s*** out; there it is – Sentinel Prime ’n’ all that. Too late on the draw, man. Which, no matter where you’re from, Decepticons trump little creepy moon crabs any day of the week. And, yeah, that’s what they are in this one – little creepy moon crabs. You saw ’em in the trailer crawling through the guy’s face mask. You don’t really get a good look at ’em, but best you can figure, they’re the Rachni that you saved in ‘Mass Effect’ one. So if you have a shot in ‘Mass Effect’ one to kill these things, do it – so the Apollo 18 crew can rest happy. And, yeah, they like get inside your body and they drive you mad, and we all knew it was gonna be like that because the trailer showed that and that’s what these things do in these kinda movies. When you have a small set, a small budget, and a small crew, and you can’t get a good look at the aliens, it’s all right; just make one of the crew go crazy because of the alien. And it - done – it’s a done deal. And the thing about these found footage movies is that they’re actually really slow. And I’ll admit that I like the found footage movies, but they are slow. So you have to be really interested in the subject at hand. I myself like out of space – the moon, planets, all that kinda stuff. But this movie’s not for everybody; it’ll bore the s*** out of like 90% of the population. I mean, ‘Quarantine’ I thought was better than this; ‘Cloverfield’ better than this; ‘Paranormal Activity’ a lot better than this. I mean, it does its job well of making you feel like you’re actually watching found footage, but you know, it’s nothing new. If you don’t like the found footage movies now, this is not gonna be the one to bring you over to the side. You’re not gonna watch ‘Apollo 18’ and be like, “I see now what I’ve been missing; it’s like all clear!” It’s not gonna happen; not with this one. If it didn’t happen with ‘Paranormal Activity’, it ain’t happenin’ now. And the movie wasn’t that creepy. I mean, in ‘Paranormal Activity’, this demon’s like harassing people in their beds. We all sleep in beds, so we’re all like, “Oh, dude, I’ve been there”. I’m not an astronaut; I’ve never been to the moon; I’m never going to the moon – space crafts are like the least of my worries. And they should be the least of yours, too. If they’re not the least of your worries, I-I want your life; it sounds as exciting as Hell. It’s nothing new. It’s not as exciting as a lot of the other found footage movies. It’s not original by now. It’s not really menacing. I jumped a couple of times; that was because of jump scares – you know I hate that s***. In the end, it’s all right, but you’re not gonna remember it in t-minus one night. With the moon logo! ’Cause I’m thematic like that and kinda cheesy sometimes. But I’ll tell you this – they built this really legit-looking moon set, and they film it to look like it’s 1970 something. If the conspiracy theorists were bloggin’ before about how we never landed on the moon; it was all a set – yeah, they ain’t stoppin’ now. All right, so found footage movies – what’s your favourite found footage movie? Comment below; let me know. In any case, if you like what you’ve seen here and you wanna see more, click right here to see more!"
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