Here to transcribe videos for folks hard of hearing.
Last night I learnt about YouTube's option to transcribe [certain] videos; the concept of which is marvellous, the function of which is not. The feature combines Google's automatic speech recognition with YouTube's caption system. The problem with this is the trouble the speech recognition seems to have with accents. Either with accents, or it's just really bad at recognising speech. The first video I watched using this feature was 'Spy Kids 4D movie review', by the relatively well-known YouTube film critic 'JeremyJahns' (link below). (I, er, wanted to know if it's as bad as it sounds...) This is what I read in the first forty seconds:
“Yet this like my friend that reveal still image the great allergy attack two thousand lovin I'll ever had to go through this again I watched by kids for... kunal. By kids for all the time in the world for fathers meticulous why didn't get to experience the forty aroma scope scratch and sniff bull**** however if I really wanted my scratch and sniff card bad enough I could probably find a securities stuck to some kids p_t_ in 1989 if you guys don't know what that is apparently when you go and watched by kids for me it has no scratches newspaper that has numbers on it when the numbers blank on the screen on the movie describes that numbers in it if mary there you go you're supposed to like smell with this mail...”
If I couldn't hear what was being said, I'd be thinking something along the lines of, “Wait, what? The movie starts off about an allergy attack and precise fathers who don't get to experience newspapers or scratch and sniff cards? It talks a lot about numbers... Someone called Mary likes to smell mail... And all of this is shown as still images? I think I'll give this one a miss.”. Also, that isn't just me typing after too much to drink; there really isn't any punctuation in the transcript (though, to be fair, this guy does talk pretty fast).
So, until that function gets better at recognising speech or YouTube somehow finds a way to get sign language on each video, I figured it might be helpful to some people if I subscribed certain videos. It could be that no one even views this blog...ever, but fingers crossed that this will be seen by at least one or two people who find it useful. I'm not sure yet which ones I'm going to do, but I'm thinking that it might be good to actually transcribe some of JeremyJahns' reviews (and hopefully a little better than how it's done above). 'Cause if you have trouble hearing, you may not necessarily want to buy a film without having read a review (suuure, you could read it elsewhere, but...yeah, OK). Aaand I may as well start with the film we can assume isn't really about a girl sniffing her mail:
“Yep, just like my Fright Night review I'm still amidst the great allergy attack 2011. However, if I had to go through this again or watch 'Spy Kids 4', I don't know! 'Spy Kids 4D: All the Time in the World'. So I saw this movie early, so I didn't get to experience the 4D Aroma-Scope scratch and sniff bull****. However, if I really wanted my scratch and sniff card bad enough, I could probably find it securely stuck to some kid's PT in 1989. If you guys don't know what that is, apparently when you go and watch 'Spy Kids 4', you get this little scratch and sniff sticker that has numberson it. When the numbers blink on the screen on the movie, you scratch that number and sniff, and there, there ya go – you're supposed to like, smell what they smell. But every time it happens in the movie, it's almost like the scene is the by-product of the idea of aroma scope. It was like they were like, “All right, we need to design these little jokes and make these little shots and make these moments and scenes in this movie so we can have scratch and sniff stickers”. It's bull****; it's like the 'Star Wars' prequels where you look at it and you're like, “Yeah, Luke has made the pod race scene so we can make like 28 video games about it”. Which is funny, because when I saw 4D Aroma-Scope, I thought one thing: 'Human Centipede 2', baby. Which apparently Robert Rodriquez thought also, 'cause there are moments in here – I swear to you – the baby s***s his pants and it tells you, “Oh, scratch number six”. Why would I wanna smell that? That's like when you pull something outta the fridge and you're like, “Oh, dude, smell that”. No! Why would I...?! No. And that's pretty much half the humour of 'Spy Kids 4'. If I see one more s***, fart, or ass joke, I'm actually gonna snap. So when 'Spy Kids 4', the clock master or time master, whoever...Jeremy Piven, is speeding up time so everyone's losing time, so now they gotta stop him. Which is funny 'cause, yeah, Jeremy Piven and Joel McHale are in this movie, so at what point were Jeremy Piven and Joel McHale were like, “You know what? We got stuff going for us, let's be in Spy Kids 4”? “That's a good career move, right?” There's no need, no need to do that. Well, in any case, two new kids become new spy kids and now they all gotta, you know, stop the bad guy. But! The chick from the original 'Spy Kids' movie – she's in here, she's all grown up, she's hot now. That's always cool; when you haven't seen some kid actor for like a decade and then you see her again; you're like, “Aw, dude, she's hot now”. Awesome. Which is funny because I haven't seen the old 'Spy Kids' movies for like ten years. I saw them like once. But I remember walkin' outta them going, “Oh, OK, yeah, those are fun family movies”. This is not like that; this is just really stupid. I remember watching and liking a selection of stuff when I was a kid. I don't remember any of them insulting the intelligence of children. Some of them are, you know, I couldn't watch them now. But, rest assured, if I did watch them now, I'd be like, “Oh, that's cool for kids”. Like, when I was a kid, I recognised – 'Ninja Turtles 3' was not good. It didn't happen. Ever. 'G.I. Joe' apparently failed the world because I never joined the army, so the propaganda didn't work. 'Transformers' – still cool – you get it! 'Spy Kids', just...no. I went into this movie hoping for a fun family movie; I walked out going, “Kids are actually gonna get dumber from this movie”. It's sad, but it's a truth. So would this movie be a good time if you're drunk? “No, I'm trashed; I st-still hate it.” Then it looks like 'Spy Kids 4D Aroma-Scope: All the Time in the World' is E = MC dogs***! I feel like I have just violated physics itself using Einstein's theory of relativity in the rating for this movie. I apologise, Albert. Won't happen again. For the sake of them not making another 'Spy Kids' movie, don't watch this movie. Why would you do that to your kids? Like, take your kids to see this movie if they really screw up. Like if little Billy slaps little Sally in the head, be like, “You know what? Now you're watching 'Spy Kids 4' and you're gonna have to smell the baby's little *****y diaper when it tells you to scratch and sniff number six”. Billy won't do that again. Why did I watch this movie and why am I reviewing it? One simple reason: to p*** off everyone who says, “Jeremy, you need to review 'The Smurfs'!” I guess I'm a d***; it's fine. I can say that, because I have to fly down to California like at three in the morning, I might not get the 'Conan' review up until like Tuesday. So I'm sorry about that. It's not like I watched this in place of 'Conan'; I wouldn't be able to watch 'Conan' until tonight anyway. So it's just, it's just time. But if you like what you've seen here and you wanna see more, click right here to see more!”
Swearing blocked juuust in case this gets any younger viewers.
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